Narcissism often brings to mind a familiar stereotype: a loud, self-promoting man who dominates meetings and posts endless gym selfies. But psychologists say this image is incomplete. Narcissism is more complex, and when it appears in women, it often looks very different.
Dr. Ava Green, a forensic psychology lecturer at City St George’s, University of London, argues that we have been overlooking a major part of the story. “The features we typically associate with narcissism – grandiosity, assertiveness, dominance – align with traditional masculine norms,” she explains. In contrast, traits linked to vulnerable narcissism, such as emotional instability and high neuroticism, overlap with traditional ideas of femininity.
Grandiose vs. Vulnerable Narcissism
Researchers generally divide narcissism into two types.
Grandiose narcissism is the one most people recognize: confidence, charm, status-seeking, and self-importance.
Vulnerable narcissism is more hidden. It shows up as insecurity, hypersensitivity, anxiety, and a quiet sense of entitlement.
Both types share what psychologists call an “antagonistic core.” This includes a belief in one’s own specialness, a tendency to exploit others, and fragile self-esteem. Green often tells her students that the easiest way to identify narcissistic traits is to offer criticism. A harsh or extreme reaction—lashing out, sulking, or shutting down—can be a clear sign.
Women Are Equally Narcissistic, but Their Expression Is Different
In Green’s research, gender differences are consistent. Men tend to score higher in grandiose narcissism, while women tend to show more vulnerable traits. This difference matters because vulnerable narcissism is easy to miss or misdiagnose. Although around 75% of diagnosed narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) cases are men, many women with narcissistic traits may go undetected.
“Some women are wrongly diagnosed with borderline personality disorder,” Green says. “Narcissism isn’t gender-specific. The core traits are the same, but many women express them in more subtle and hidden ways.”
These subtle expressions can still be damaging. Green’s findings show that vulnerable narcissism in women is linked to psychological, physical, and even sexual aggression toward partners. She explains that some female narcissists use children or sexuality as tools for power and control. Because these behaviors align with gendered expectations, they are often difficult for clinicians and the police to recognise as narcissistic abuse.
While most domestic abuse cases are committed by men, Green’s research focuses specifically on narcissistic individuals rather than the general population. She also stresses that both men and women can show either grandiose or vulnerable forms of narcissism. Social norms likely shape which type becomes more dominant.
Where Narcissism Comes From
Many assume narcissism stems from neglect or trauma in childhood. Green says the reality is more mixed. Excessive praise or overprotection can also encourage narcissistic traits. Many narcissistic individuals build a “fantasy self,” an idealized version of who they believe they should be. When others fail to reinforce that fantasy, the narcissist may feel personally attacked. “They wear a mask,” Green says, “and when it slips, their insecurity becomes clear.”
Can Narcissism Be Treated?
Treating narcissism is challenging. Many narcissistic patients struggle with the therapeutic process. Some resent the authority of the therapist or feel insulted by feedback. Others drop out of treatment altogether.
Green emphasizes that treatment is still possible. The goal is not to “cure” narcissism but to improve emotional regulation and reduce harmful behaviors.
Are You a Narcissist?
Narcissism exists on a spectrum. Most people show some narcissistic traits, and healthy self-esteem is normal. Problems arise when these traits become rigid and harmful. Only about 1–2% of people meet the criteria for full NPD.
Green says it is important to move beyond the stereotype of the arrogant man in a suit. Recognizing the different ways narcissism can appear helps us identify harmful patterns earlier—and respond with greater understanding.
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