Leading paediatricians and family therapists are increasingly urging parents to abandon physical punishment, emphasizing gentler, more constructive strategies to address children’s challenging behaviour.
The Royal College of Paediatrics and Child Health has called for changes to the Children’s Wellbeing and Schools Bill in England, seeking to eliminate the “reasonable punishment” defence under the Children Act 2004.
Currently, hitting a child is unlawful unless deemed “reasonable punishment” on a case-by-case basis. Experts warn that any form of smacking poses a risk of significant physical harm to children.
Family psychotherapist Fiona Yassin, clinical director of The Wave Clinic, stresses the importance of understanding and guiding children rather than controlling them through punishment. “A gentler approach is always more effective,” Yassin explains, “because punishment might stop behaviour temporarily but often breeds fear, resentment, or shame, which hinders emotional growth.”
Yassin points out that challenging behaviour often reflects a child’s struggle to regulate emotions or express unmet needs and frustrations. “Parents need to recognise that acting out is usually a way for children to communicate difficulty managing feelings,” she says.
Key Gentle Strategies for Managing Challenging Behaviour
Maintain a Calm Tone: Staying calm helps regulate a child’s emotions. “Firmness sets clear boundaries while empathy reassures the child that they are heard, even when behaviour is difficult,” says Yassin. Avoid shouting, sarcasm, or blame to prevent escalation.
Validate Emotions: Acknowledge feelings before addressing behaviour. Phrases like, “I see you’re frustrated, that makes sense,” can help children feel understood and reduce emotional flare-ups.
Identify Triggers: Parents should look for patterns or triggers such as changes in routine, sleep disturbances, school stress, bullying, or family tension that may contribute to challenging behaviour.
Encourage Active Listening: Asking children to repeat what they heard helps clarify communication and reduce misunderstandings.
Set Clear, Calm Boundaries: For example, “I won’t let you hit, but you can tell me why you’re upset,” teaches self-regulation and respect.
Model Desired Behaviour: Children emulate adults. Demonstrating patience and calm communication fosters similar behaviour in children.
Collaborate on Problem-Solving: Engaging children in finding solutions, such as discussing how to make bedtime easier, builds responsibility and emotional intelligence.
Seek Professional Support: Yassin urges families to consider expert help when needed. “Therapy can aid both children and parents in developing healthier relationships and addressing past trauma,” she says. “Parents do not have to manage challenging behaviours alone.”
As calls grow louder to end physical punishment in child discipline, experts underscore that compassionate, patient approaches offer more sustainable outcomes for children’s emotional and behavioural development.
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